sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
