Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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