Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
