just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize