A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
