Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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