currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
