morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
