He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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