Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry about my life...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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