wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
