if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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