it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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