Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize