Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
