I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
