Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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