I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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