I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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