It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
