Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
