the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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