I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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