And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
