Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My penis needs a shock collar
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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