feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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