she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
