There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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