we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As shirtless as possible
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
