Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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