Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize