I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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