I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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