you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have fence marks all over my body
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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