They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
