Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
