I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
