last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
