last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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