An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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