I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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