My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
