At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
