so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
