I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
