If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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