im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
