I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
