I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
