ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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