I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
