I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
