Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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