This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize