just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
