I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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