Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
