Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
