Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
