my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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