bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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