SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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