New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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