He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize