It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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