Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize