Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize