i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
