I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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