Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
